Eggshells

Listen people. If you have never been through a divorce where kids are involved, it is not roses. Even in the best of situations. I have a pretty good situation - I will admit. My ex-husband is a great dad and we have made a commitment to put our kids first. We are not always successful, but we try. That said, I still have to say goodbye to my kids half of the time. I still have to not be there when they go to sleep and when they wake up half of the time. I still have to hear stories about firsts that I missed because of a situation I could not fix. I could not fix it. I prayed and prayed. My friends prayed. My family prayed. I did everything within my power and it didn't happen. So, I am left to still be in this situation I could not control and now what?

I am still a single parent. I still deal with things on my own when my children are with me. I still want the things I dreamed of when I was married and I feel robbed. I feel robbed of the dreams you have when you say your vows and think that no matter what, you will work through the ups and downs and you will see your 15, 25 and 50 year wedding anniversaries. I feel robbed of the little moments like family meals and nighttime rituals. I feel robbed of the family vacations and the future grandbabies coming to Grandma and Grandpa Freeman's house. Because there will not be that for us. And I can't explain that to my 6-year-old who wants to know why. And I can't explain it to myself.

So I had this conversation with a friend of mine today. So many people run away from those of us who are divorced. Or they walk on eggshells around us, not knowing what to say or how to act. Well, no one wants to get a divorce. Divorce is painful and it is made more painful by judgmental people. If you have a friend going through this and you want advice on how to help, here it is:

1. Be their friend. Don't abandon them. It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with their reasons. You are not the judge.

2. Understand that unless you have been there you DON'T understand. As long as you realize this, you will be a great friend.

3. If they have kids, don't forget they are a single parent and single parenting is tough sometimes. Don't look at the times they don't have their children as time off. It isn't. Most likely, they are thinking about the next moment they can hold their kiddos or they are thankful for a moment to rest...IF their former spouse is around. If they aren't, give that friend a break! Watch their kids for a couple of hours!

4. It doesn't matter how long they have been divorced...something may trigger a memory or an emotion. Just let it happen and let it be. I may be driving down the road and see something or hear a song that reminds me of something in our marriage and it makes me happy or sad. If my good friends are with me, they just let it be.

5. Continually pray for your friend to find peace and comfort.

There are more, but this is a start.