By far, one of the best, MOST INFORMATIVE, blog posts I have ever read is this one. I agree with about 99% of what Dan, single Dad to Noah, said on his blog posts about 16 ways he blew his marriage. I don't know Dan, but I think he is spot on. I mean, there are things I will change in my future relationships - NO DOUBT.
I want to find someone who feels the same way. Part of me wants to be with someone who has experienced divorce, as screwed up as that sounds. My friend (who is also divorced) and I talk about being damaged goods. Only someone who has been through what you have can know how that feels. Then again, with divorce comes a certain amount of baggage and heartache.
So, what are the things I would change if I marry or get into another serious relationship? I'm not sure exactly, but I do have a few ideas to start my list.
First, I don't think my former husband ever grasped that I did truly respect his place in our family. It is important to me, if I am to marry again, for my future spouse to understand I respect him. I have a strong personality, but I don't want to "wear the pants." I want someone who is ready to walk alongside me in our life together and not behind me. I want someone who will lead our family, but will take my thoughts and feelings into consideration.
Second, I want to make sure we pray together all the time. I wasn't diligent about this in my first marriage. I didn't make it a priority and therefore, I feel like I didn't make God a priority in OUR life. Maybe He was in mine, but not OURS. This has to change.
Third, I will passionately kiss him everyday. Self-explanatory. This includes the days when I absolutely cannot stand him, but I still love him with all my heart.
Fourth, I will do my best to take constructive criticism in a constructive way. I am NOT good at this. In fact, this is one of the hardest things for me. I will do my best to realize he is not trying to hurt me, but usually, he is trying to help me and I need to learn how to listen.
Which brings me to my last point...I will learn how to listen and not try to fix everything. I screwed up in so many ways (I think) by not letting my former husband vent and by always offering a solution when sometimes, he just needed to let it out and breathe. He needed a sounding board and I wasn't always that for him.
So, these are things I am working on and, if I get serious again, and if someone gets into my inner circle of trust, this is the start of my list. I can only hope he has a list, too.
